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Can’t find love?

Some of these are unbelievable but they’re all true. Most were submitted by readers.
Please submit your own pet-peeves and we’ll add them to the list.

1. Use a coupon on your first date
2. Flirt with Bed Head
3. Turn-up for your first date 6 months pregnant
4. Brush your teeth once a week
5. Throw yourself at people
6. Turn down all social invitations
7. Talk about your previous sexual conquests
8. Be high maintenance and make lots of unreasonable demands
9. Flirt with the waitress instead of your date
10. Bite your nails so your fingers tell people you are a stressed-out, nervous wreck
11. Let hair grow where it shouldn’t
12. Avoid making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time
13. Act bored and be sarcastic
14. Gossip a lot
15. Wear cheap or badly fitting clothes
16. Assure yourself – and tell everyone you know – that love at first sight is a load of baloney
17. Send mixed signals, like smiling when you are angry
18. Dive at your date slobber all over his or her face when you are drunk on the first date
19. Do plenty of criticizing, condemning and complaining
20. Eat with your mouth open and if possible make lots of noise
21. Slouch
22. Interrupt people when they are talking
23. Have unreasonable expectations of other people
24. Never smile
25. Tell yourself you are useless, unattractive and worthless every time you run into rejection
26. Snort when you laugh
27. Make sure your fingernails are dirty and chipped
28. Talk loudly in the middle of a movie at the cinema or at the theatre……or church……library…etc.
29. Tell lies
30. Constantly pull your pants up
31. Check out everyone of the opposite sex in the room instead of your date
32. Spend lots of time looking at yourself in the mirror or shop windows as you pass
33. Always bring the conversation back to yourself
34. Constantly yank up your bra strap
35. Overload your perfume or aftershave
36. If you smoke make sure your clothes smell of tobacco
37. Break wind in public
38. Dress as if you were 20 years younger than you really are
39. Act like you know it all
40. Forget to flirt
41. Avoid entertaining
42. Wear business socks with sandals
43. Sit with your legs wide open in social situations
44. Go to bed early every night
45. Avoid traveling46.Use standoffish body language and tone of voice so people feel uncomfortable and distrustful around you
46. Spit in the street (this works especially well if you’re a woman)
47. Become a hypochondriac
48. Ask stupid rhetorical questions like, “what do you think you look likeke?”
49. Pick at your acne
50. Use loads of foul language
51. Get addicted to TV, video games or the Internet
52. Act like a victim and feel sorry for yourself all the time
53. Wear clothes 2 sizes too small so people will have ammunition to criticize you
54. Phone people in the middle of the night (especially after a couple of cocktails)
55. Wear a poorly-fitting toupee
56. Let spit fly out of your mouth when you talk
57. Be a hermit
58. Change the subject abruptly in the middle of a conversation
59. Make sure your attitude says, I don’t like you and you don’t want to like me
60. Talk about your ailments
61. Look around the room when someone is talking to you
62. Scratch a lot
63. Have no hobbies or interests
64. Fold your arms when talking to other people
65. Be inflexible and unwilling to change
66. Gain plenty of excess weight
67. Cough without covering your mouth
68. Ask closed questions (ones that beg yes/no answers) to stifle conversation and close people down
69. Get drunk as often as possible
70. Act frigid and aloof
71. When you’re in a conversation with someone you don’t know, keep touching them on the arm or the back, even though you just met
72. Pick your teeth and eat what you find
73. Anticipate what the other person is going to say and butt in
74. Wear dirty clothes
75. Pick your nose when you think no-one is looking
76. Talk about stuff no one wants to know about like your haemorrhoids or your mother
77. Scare people with your driving
78. Talk more than you listen
79. Talk about how much money your ex makes
80. Hang up the phone without saying goodbye
81. Wipe your nose on your sleeve
82. Always aim for sex on the first date
83. Chain smoke
84. Be a lazy conversationalist: don’t try to establish a connection or common ground
85. Be hard to please
86. Don’t give physical and emotional feedback
87. Fall asleep when someone is talking to you
88. Play with your crotch in public
89. Decide that you are not interested in trust and intimacy
90. Try to change others to what you want them to be
91. Stay out of touch with current affairs
92. Talk on your cell phone during a date
93. Do drugs
94. Wash your hair twice a month (or less)
95. Put your face right up against people when you talk to them
96. Go overboard trying to impress people
97. Monopolize conversations
98. Burp in public
99. Leave food stains on your clothing
100. Ask embarrassing personal questions
101. Don’t wear deodorant
102. Turn conversations into belligerent arguments
103. Brag about how much money you make
104. Close yourself off to as many new experiences as possible
105. Don’t clean your living space
106. Don’t wash your car
107. Don’t vacuum your car
108. Argue as much as possible over minor issues
109. Eat garlic and/or onions before a date
110. Keep a vicious animal as a pet
111. Let infestations form in your attic or refrigerator
112. Talk on your cell phone in the car, in a restaurant, anywhere where you and your “date” are….especially in front of your date….Oh and don’t forget to talk really loud, so everyone can hear your end of the conversation.

 

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